Fully Exposed.

I recently had the most amazing "God-experience" of my life. My heart-twin, appropriately named after discovering that we shared the same heart verse, and I were chatting, venting, etc and decided to pray in 2011 RECKLESSLY. We have seen some similar circumstances in our years and are walking this incredible journey together. While talking, we decided to start praying...and we prayed All Night Long! We prayed for everything you can think of...crazy big dreams, loved ones, people that have hurt us, people that we do not know, people that we wish we did not know, everything! It was phenomenal and God sustained us both completely through our commitments the next day. In a hotel room days after, I grabbed the hotel-provided conditioner. I needed more than I had packed and was happy to use the cute little mini bottle that I find amusing for some reason. Examining the bottle prior to slathering it on my hair, I see the name of the conditioner, Renew. The word immediately struck my heart and I thought, "Yes, I have been renewed" with a smile. After showering, I spent some time thorough a Cynthia Heald study I am finding new truths in, "Becoming a Woman of Simplicity" and the word came out again, "renew", as well as countless examples in scripture. One in particular is Lamentations 3:22-24
Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed, 
   for his compassions never fail. 
²³ They are new every morning; 
   great is your faithfulness. 
²⁴ I say to myself, “The LORD is my portion; 
   therefore I will wait for him.”
That would only be the beginning of my renew journey, though. The weekend then followed with lots of playful fun, parties, dancing, seeing old friends and showing a dear friend bits of my past...healing in some ways and exposing in others. How easy it is to fall in to the ways of this world. I like to think of myself as devoted and I certainly know that my heart is 100% in crazy, fall on my knees, heart-pounding, butterfly-exciting LOVE with my Savior, but I didn't act like it this weekend. I came home feeling defeated, fallen, and exhausted. What on earth was I thinking? I know so better than to let myself get swept into keeping up with the crowds and all that mess. Ugh! Why oh why do I find myself learning lessons over and over again? The answer came to me this morning...because I am a sinner and forever in need of a LORD and Savior. The beauty of the cross is more evident than ever. We get to be "renewed" over and over again. But, I would still carry the burden for two days to come, battling untruths in my head, and even after talking to friends and family, the yuck, well, stuck. Even with truth blaring to me on the radio like "the beauty of the cross is that Your Grace has found me just as I am". It would not go away despite the revelations in praying about it and obedience, until I talked with my earthly father, whom I have had a broken relationship with in past years. And dinner that night afterwards, with that heart-twin person I adore, confirmed it for me. I am a child of God. I need my Father to tell me that everything will be ok when I fall, which I am destined to do. So this is why I am writing...to put it all out there. I find myself telling friends and family things that I am scared to say to Him, but no longer. That is where the reckless part comes back in to play. I am looking forward to seeing what 2011 has in store. Promise to keep this updated. Thanks for reading.