Hmmm. I am really not sure what I am doing here. OK. I am sure about WHY I am here, but not sure about why I really am here typing away on my computer. Does anyone really read these things? I know I do, and love the ladies whose blogs I follow, but really....outside of our little oikos, does this have any impact?
Here goes my attempt to find You...
I am not a writer. Just not. Never won, nor competed in any poetry nor prose readings. In fact, I could not stand them. I have never been a fan of poetry in general. Flowery words wrapped up with extra drama just never has been my thing. I was much more in to acting it out. My best friend in high school was a great actress and I loved sitting through her countless rehearsals and shows. Watching her live out other people's lives somehow gave me hope that mine would be important some day. To be determined...but something about acting made my heart soar with excitement. It is probably because I never let myself live in an alternate reality except when I was watching plays, or movies. She and I would talk till wee hours in the night after rehearsal about the love lives we wished ahead of us, the ways we would achieve fantastic careers, raise our children, marry a prince, rule the world, all sorts of things. I had some hope that my life would be like those plays and movies someday; that people would be so compelled by my story that they would sit for hours enthralled in the drama that ensued. There was always plenty of drama in my life, but not the kind I thought any soul in their right mind would want to see. Which is why I never let myself dream too much outside of "play time". It just never seemed possible that I would break free. Only God would know that the next 10 years of my life would be a multi-Grammy/Oscar/Emmy award winning performance. No credit to my own acting by any means. More to follow on that I am sure.
Fast forward and you find me here typing away without clear direction. Just to write. I am not even a good writer. I have TONS of words but most of them fly out of my mouth so fast I cannot even keep up with my own conversations. If you are still reading, I am humbled. Sincerely.
And that is the only "why" that I know I am here. Humility. I read a blog (ironic, I know) this week that quoted 1 Timothy 4:15. "...Throw yourself into your tasks so that everyone will see your progress." NLT
This is my THROWING myself into my tasks. So that I can share my progress. If you will look back at my old posts when I first started this blog thinking I could become a compelling writer, that was precisely one of the titles of my blog, Fully Exposed. I think that is "why" I am here. And in faithful obedience after prayer and tugging on my heart, He got me here. I guess I have a story to tell. Stay tuned. I'll try to make this worth your while.
much love,
nikki
